1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,399 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,198 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,794 but you don't ask questions 4 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,918 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,952 is a mystery 6 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,954 and the tides of the sea 7 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,750 what's driving me berserk: 8 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:33,197 9 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,280 Looking forward to tonight in the pub? 10 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:50,914 Yeah. I don't want a big thing made of it. We're having a baby, that's all. 11 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,277 Del uses any excuse for a celebration! 12 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,477 Will he mind if I borrow his aftershave? 13 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:03,919 Aftershave?! You've got Epping bloody Forest growing there! 14 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:10,075 - I just wanted to smell nice. — Then don't use Del's aftershave! 15 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:16,073 Rodders, didn't hear you arrive. Have a dry roasted. 16 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,756 — Where's Cassandra? — Raquel's showing her something. 17 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:23,311 — She's got baby clothes for you. — She shouldn't have done. 18 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,110 - It's Damien's old clothes. — What?! 19 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:34,354 — They'll suit your nipper a treat. - I'll get myself a beer. 20 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:39,594 - D'you think it'll look like Rodney? — Don't matter as long as it's healthy. 21 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:47,793 Raquel will be showing Cassandra some of them new clothes I bought her. 22 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:52,272 — New clothes? Is it her birthday? - No, it's not her birthday. 23 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:57,230 They're not "new" clothes. They're as good as. 24 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,677 And it means I've done me bit for charity. 25 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:06,438 Rodders, see this? It's my book. "Modern Man". 26 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:12,915 "Don't wait for a special occasion to give your loved one a present. 27 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:18,678 "Bring home a little surprise any day to keep your relationship exciting." 28 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:25,439 I done that. "Your partner should never have to seek attention from you. 29 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:30,197 "A compliment is the easiest thing to give and the nicest thing to receive." 30 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:35,070 It's easier to say something nice than to say something nasty. 31 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,516 Da—da! well? 32 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,672 Yes, very well, thanks, darling. 33 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:45,071 - Good. - You look lovely, Raquel. 34 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,631 — Thank you, Albert. — Very nice, Raquel. 35 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,839 Thank you. 36 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,233 — Wait till you see this. — And you look lovely, Cassandra. 37 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,472 - Thank you. — There you are, sweetheart. 38 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,553 - How's my nephew? — Get off! 39 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,519 Well? what do you think? 40 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,752 Oh. It's a bit difficult, Raquel. 41 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,673 Rodney and I oppose the fur trade. 42 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:16,391 We both think it looked better on the animal. 43 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,949 Whatever that was! 44 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:25,159 Del buys Raquel a coat and you two have a pop at her! 45 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,951 Del bought it? Sorry, Raquel, I thought it was real. 46 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,792 No, no, no, no, no, dopey! 47 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,476 No, that's stimulated fur, that is. 48 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,033 — Sorry, didn't realise. — There you go. 49 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:48,479 Tell you what we'll do. Damien's downstairs with the babysitter. 50 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,598 we'll have a few of glasses of champagne 51 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:55,754 then down The Nags Head for some decent celebrations. 52 00:03:55,920 --> 00:04:00,551 - YOU are on the orange juice. - Yes, Doctor. 53 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,109 All part of the service! 54 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,798 — Del.. —- Yes? 55 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:15,909 — I feel a bit embarrassed. - No need. You've got a tie and suit. 56 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:20,790 I didn't mean that! I've only got 20 quid on me. 57 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:25,238 — What have you done with your wages? - This IS me wages! 58 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,392 Yeah, we've had a bit of a hard week. 59 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,393 I know. I was there! 60 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:41,473 I'm worse off than you! I spent my money on Raquel's dress. 61 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:45,634 Still, tonight's festivities we can put on the slate. 62 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:50,033 — Will Mike stand it? — Course. He's a diamond, that boy. 63 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:54,956 I hope so. And when will you say something nice to Raquel? 64 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:59,193 — She's done up and you said nothing. — I was reading me book! 65 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:04,150 OK, don't worry. I'll think of something nice to say. 66 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:09,918 Come on, then, girls. Ladies and gentlemen. Time to celebrate. 67 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,640 Albert, this is yours. 68 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,916 - I don't believe it! — what? 69 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:20,439 This girl, I worked with her when I was in showbiz. She was a kid then. 70 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,956 She's about to appear in a new Bond film. 71 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,872 Pierce Brosnan! 72 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:32,389 - You don't need him. You've got me! — Yes, haven't I just! 73 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,553 Raquel, if she could be in a Bond film, so could you. 74 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,599 - Shut up! - You could. 75 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,640 — Don't be silly. - I'm serious. Look at her! 76 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,235 She's a dog. 77 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:14,633 GandT for Raquel, Tequila slammer for Rodney, orange for Cassandra. 78 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:21,240 That Dr Singh was in earlier to talk to you about some paint you sold him. 79 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,870 — Was he? — Seemed very anxious to see you. 80 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:30,831 — Have you got problems? — Just a minor misunderstanding. 81 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:35,039 If he calls in again, tell him I've gone to live in New Zealand. 82 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,477 I think I can remember that. Have they thought of a name for the baby? 83 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:45,350 No, not yet. It's early days. She's only a little bit pregnant! 84 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:49,753 — She's got a long way to go. — Still, Rodney got the hang of it! 85 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,673 Yes, he's a Trotter all right! 86 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,196 We don't stop till the job's finished. 87 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,159 Right, what have we got here? 88 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:04,838 A Harvey Wallbanger for me, a cognac for Boycie, vodka for Marlene, 89 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:11,190 Cuba Libra for Denzil, rum and blackcurrant for Bobby Crush there, 90 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:15,194 whiskies for the market lads, pint of diesel for Trigger. 91 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:19,593 — Mickey, what do you boys want? — Canadian Clubs all round. 92 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:23,549 Canadian Clubs there and have one yourself. 93 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,678 Cheers, Del. Call it 25 quid for cash. 94 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,559 OK, put it on the slate. 95 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,759 No slate. I've had a visit from the brewery. 96 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,038 Oh... All right. OK, there's a fiver. 97 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,830 And, er... Oh! Would you Adam—and-Eve it? 98 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:45,437 I've left me wallet at home. Damien was playing with it. 99 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:50,151 I'm teaching him financial management. How to avoid expensive pubs! 100 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:54,359 - I'lL sell "em to someone else. — They're second-hand! 101 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,478 - I'll sell them cheap. — A fiver for 'em. 102 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,632 It's not my fault, it's the brewery. 103 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:06,239 They've got this revolutionary rule. From now on, customers pay for drinks! 104 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,392 I hate all these new—fangled ideas! 105 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,552 Hang about. Don't go away. 106 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:19,910 I have these radically new designed hair dryers. 107 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:24,233 Normally they retail at £69.99 in Regent Street. 108 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,840 But for you, 15 nicker. 109 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:32,517 Del, look at my hair. What do I want with one of them? 110 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:36,230 I stick me head out the window and it's bone dry! 111 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:41,634 This is different. That has got what they call a volumiser on it. 112 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,872 It gives your hair body and all that. 113 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:50,274 Oh. So I could end up looking like Lily Savage! Very tempting, Del (!) 114 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,274 Go on. I'm giving it to you, Michael, aren't 1? 115 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,875 15 nicker. You got to admit. 116 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,510 Give us it here. But you still owe me a tenner. 117 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:05,674 Yeah. You're a bit of a gambling man, aren't you? 118 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:10,516 Tell you what. I'll have a little bet. Double or quits. 119 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:15,993 If I win, I give you this fiver for this round of drinks. 120 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,198 But if you win, I owe you a tenner. 121 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,672 - You already owe me a tenner. - You got nothing to lose, then! 122 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,718 Trig, just a minute. You'll like this. Watch. 123 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,679 Little bet here. OK, Michael. 124 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:36,870 If you put your hands out, I bet I can make you turn 'em over without touching you. 125 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:42,956 - Turn "em over without touching me? — It's the power of positive thought. 126 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:48,399 Right, put your hands out in front of you. No, the other way. 127 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,760 There you go. Thank you. 128 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,798 OK, here we go. Help yourselves. 129 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,271 I've been in the motor trade for many years. 130 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:07,310 Until recently, I never thought of the damage fumes did to our world. 131 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,551 Let me explain... 132 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,918 — Same again, please! — Allow me to continue. 133 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:20,270 This is my theory. The future holds the key to all our success. 134 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:25,469 Don't tell Raquel's dad. He's an antiques dealer! 135 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:31,397 Recently I have invested a lot of money in electric cars. 136 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:34,837 He bought Tyler a Scalextric set. 137 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:39,437 I'm not talking about model bloody racing cars, for Gawd's sake! 138 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,240 Oi, Rodney. It's your round. 139 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,792 If it's the same round, it's 25 quid. 140 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,078 - 25 quid?! Mike - NO! " 141 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,916 All right, Dave? 142 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,117 Hello, Trig. 143 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,399 I can make you turn your hands over without touching you. 144 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:05,349 - Eh? - I can make you turn your hands over. 145 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,273 Go on, hold "em out. 146 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,869 No, the other way. 147 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,317 See? There you go, Dave! 148 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:35,396 Congratulations, Albert. It reminded me of the theme track from "Noddy". 149 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:44,435 Boycie's right. You two should be thinking about your children's future. 150 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,355 - Send them to private school. - Leave it out. 151 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:54,630 We can't afford to send our kids private. Boycie's round, Mike. 152 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,235 Tyler's been private since he was three. 153 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:02,190 He's seven now and he can almost write his name! 154 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:08,550 Can he really? Perhaps we should save up and send Damien private. 155 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:12,076 There's nothing wrong with state education. 156 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:16,711 Damien's not going to our old school, Dockside Secondary Modern. 157 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,190 That was a tough old place! 158 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:23,672 We had no chance of a good education because of the class sizes. 159 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,514 50, 60 to a class! 160 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:30,196 You're exaggerating! They weren't that big! 161 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:34,797 The teacher didn't finish the register until dinner time! 162 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,759 The school's calibre was reflected in the head boy. 163 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,958 — Who was it? — Trigger! 164 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,480 — Did you call, Del? - There you are. 165 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,917 We was talking about our old school. 166 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,516 Let's ask Trig. Stay quiet. No prompting! 167 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,593 Were there big classes at your school? 168 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,673 - Not very big. — Ah. See? 169 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:01,037 High ceilings, though! 170 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,751 And a few low ones! Remember your accident? 171 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:09,151 — Oh, yeah. — Trig walked down a corridor 172 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,834 straight into a "Mind Your Head" sign. 173 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,949 His family sued the education authority for brain damage. 174 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,954 The judge awarded him £7.50. 175 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:25,079 How did you walk into the sign? Didn't you see it? 176 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,632 Course I saw it. But in those days I couldn't read! 177 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:36,478 — Anyone gonna collect the drinks? — I will. Boycie, cough up. 178 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,075 And I want change. 179 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:44,479 — Rodney. Congratulations! - Thanks, Mickey. 180 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:48,554 I was down Sid's caff and Dr Singh was looking for Del. 181 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:52,759 — Was he? — He seemed angry. What's it about? 182 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,709 Something to do with some paint and his surgery. 183 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,191 It's not my problem. I just work for Del. 184 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,432 Yeah. You're just an employee. 185 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:08,595 You follow orders. You pick things up, put things down, pick 'em up again. 186 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:13,231 - But I do think for myself. - It's hardly a job requirement. 187 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:18,713 I started a new job last month. Good money, company car, the lot. 188 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:23,511 It's not a fly—by—night firm. They're suing "Panorama". 189 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,832 Are you a double—glazing salesman? 190 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,039 No, I am not. Though it is to do with glass. 191 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:34,989 — Windows? - Not windows. Solar windows. 192 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,630 It's a whole new concept in user—friendly heating. 193 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:43,829 - You're a salesman! - No, I'm more like a scientist. 194 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,197 — It's double glazing! - No, no, no. 195 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:51,911 It does involve two panes of glass, but it's not double glazing. 196 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,960 This company is very profile conscious and customer driven. 197 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,715 I'm Executive of Area Perspective and Overview. 198 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:06,354 And I'm recruiting new staff. I hold interviews on Mondays at Burger King. 199 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:10,434 — Double glazing salesman, ain't ya? - Yeah. 200 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:16,709 It's gotta be better than working for Del You're a 34—year—old paper boy! 201 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:21,556 I might not be working for him much longer. I got my eye out... Raquel! 202 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,759 - I'llL help with the drinks. - Yeah, that's yours. 203 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,511 There's a few up—and—coming firms after me. 204 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,150 I bet you're being headhunted by lan Beale! 205 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:39,440 You'd better do something quick. You've got a kid on the way. 206 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:45,116 Please raise your glasses to our future mum and dad, 207 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,078 Cassandra and Rodney! 208 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:51,199 — Cassandra and Rodney! ~ (TRIG) Dave! 209 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,713 (TOILET FLUSHES) 210 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:09,070 Good night, Champ. Dream us some luck. 211 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,553 It's all right. He's soundo. 212 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,518 Da-da! 213 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,397 Oh, my God! 214 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:42,073 — Well, what do you think? — They're very nice, Del. 215 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,595 They're very...nice! 216 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,639 Yes, I got "em off Monkey Harris. 217 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,395 — £7.50. Can't be bad, can it? - Lovely () 218 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,912 There we go. Ooh, lovely jubbly. 219 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,274 Ooch! 220 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:08,719 It says here a bloke's supposed to make contact with his feminine side. 221 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,111 Did you know that geezers had feminine sides? 222 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,477 Don't worry, it doesn't apply to you. 223 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:20,032 Good. I thought I might have to wear a blouse or something. 224 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,511 — Del, can we talk for a minute? —- Eh? 225 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,514 I heard Rodney and Mickey talking. He's started a new job. 226 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:33,835 Never! He's been on the dole so long he's invited to the staff dance! 227 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:40,513 — Del, will you do something for me? — Let me finish this page. 228 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,439 — Give Rodney a proper job. — He's got one! 229 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,830 - No, he works for you. — A proper job! 230 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,959 — OK, what does he do? — Rodney? He... Well... He... 231 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,636 He lifts things, keeps his eye open, drives the van. 232 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,872 Describe his job. Give it a name. 233 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,635 All right. It's... He's... Uh... 234 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,633 He's a Rodney! 235 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:15,070 Give him a title he can be proud of. In seven months, he'll be a father. 236 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:20,030 Listen, Raquel. You do not know Rodney like what I do. 237 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,192 I mean, he's not really very astute. 238 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:28,480 If he was left in charge, we wouldn't be where we are today. 239 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,677 - No? - No. 240 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:34,879 He's got no business sense. If he had a flower shop, 241 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,431 he'd close on St Valentine's Day! 242 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,912 Make him feel important. Do something to help him! 243 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,835 Actually, I am doing that very same thing, 244 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,799 trying to find some help for Rodney. 245 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,316 With Cassandra being in the situation she is, 246 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:58,600 he might have to dash off at any time, so I'm looking for some part—time help 247 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,354 to take the weight off Rodney. 248 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:06,515 — That's nice of you! - I am that sort of bloke, aren't I? 249 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:22,154 You, er... You know this thing with Cassandra? 250 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,711 - You mean her pregnancy? - Hmm. 251 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,918 Not making you broody, is it? 252 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:38,514 - I never want to be pregnant again. - It hurt, did it? 253 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,957 — Stung a bit. - I could tell 254 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:45,511 — What gave it away, the screaming? - It was a clue. 255 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,355 — He was worth it in the end. — Course he was. 256 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:55,471 There's the financial side as well. We can't afford to feed another mouth. 257 00:19:55,640 --> 00:20:01,397 — And then there's the age thing. - No, you're not getting any younger. 258 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:12,396 One day they might make a musical about the history of the Trotters. 259 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,673 As a sequel, they could do "Schindler's List" on ice. 260 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:23,119 Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you feeling under—motivated tonight? 261 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:27,319 People on Death Row have more motivation than me. 262 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,438 I gotta get another job, Cass. 263 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,592 I get so frustrated working for Del. 264 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:38,311 I wish he'd present me with a challenge now and then, 265 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,996 like giving someone their change! 266 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,916 Tomorrow we're trying to flog a load of Mickey Mouse hair dryers, 267 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,234 and aerodynamic cycling hats — horse riding helmets sprayed red — 268 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,870 and we've got an angry Sikh after our blood! 269 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,032 It's not what I call job satisfaction. 270 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,999 Only you can change Del's attitude. 271 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,312 Hoping for the best isn't good enough. 272 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,678 At the bank, we advise small businesses to target specifics 273 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:14,869 — to gain maximum market penetration. — We're talking about Derek Trotter. 274 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:19,750 To Del, "market penetration" means sex under a barrow! 275 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:25,393 At least try to influence him. You're involved in decision—making now. 276 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,871 Oh, yeah (!) Sometimes he lets me toss the coin! 277 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,190 "Decision-making"! 278 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,716 — He's bought himself a book. — Del has? 279 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,793 And it's all words, no pictures! 280 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,954 It's called "Modern Man". 281 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:46,593 The author says modern men are decisive, positive decision—makers. 282 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,559 So Del's making lots of decisions. 283 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:54,599 It's thanks to Del's decisive decision—making 284 00:21:54,760 --> 00:22:00,312 that we've got the Mickey Mouse hair dryers and horse riders' cycling hats. 285 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:05,951 Talk to him. I know he jumps the gun, but he does listen to you. 286 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:09,192 Yeah, I suppose you're right. 287 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:16,349 I told him this morning that he's got to stop making on—the—spot decisions. 288 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:23,313 I said, "Think things through, look at the angles, weigh the pros and cons. 289 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,313 And I think it hit home. 290 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,960 I'm sure he took my words on board. 291 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,199 I'm gonna have a vasectomy. 292 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,358 — Did I say something? — What's brought this on? 293 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:49,630 It says here that modern men take responsibility for family planning. 294 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,919 Millions of men have had the snip. They can do it while you wait! 295 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,720 Del, think about it for a while. 296 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:01,477 There's no need. We can't afford another chavvy. 297 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,349 I am a modern man making a positive decision. 298 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,229 Consider the future. I'm not a prophet of doom, 299 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,756 but say in ten years' time we broke up. 300 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,915 And then you met someone else and wanted to raise another family. 301 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,072 Come on, don't be silly, sweetheart. 302 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:27,553 In ten years I won't be able to raise a smile, let alone anything else! 303 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,560 I remember when we set off on the road to our horizon. 304 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:42,159 It was bloody years ago. We had a Labour government, you could eat beef, 305 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,119 Des O'Connor was white. 306 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:52,197 — Just look at us now, eh? — How can I put this? 307 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,317 Shut up! 308 00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:59,478 (SOUND EFFECTS FROM "THE OMEN") 309 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,631 Morning, Damien. 310 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:10,034 I can make you turn your hands over without touching you. 311 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,480 Hold your hands out. 312 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,996 Turn them over. 313 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:25,633 See? 314 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,158 Mummy, I made Uncle Rodney turn his hands over! 315 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,232 I agree, things are a bit bleak at the moment. 316 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,756 That's like saying the Antarctic's a bit nippy! 317 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:45,199 Our fortunes round the corner. We're here where the opportunities happen, 318 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,920 at the forefront of the enterprise culture. 319 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:54,156 So enterprising you bought a load of horse-riding crash helmets! 320 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:59,793 Didn't you stop to think that Peckham is not big show—jumping country? 321 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,114 Don't worry, we'll sell 'em. 322 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:11,030 I don't know about you lately. You seem to have stopped believing. 323 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,159 — Know what Mum said on her deathbed? — Oh, no! 324 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:19,917 She said to me, "Del Boy, never stop believing. 325 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,630 "If you stop believing, you've nothing left to hope for." 326 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,189 "You've got to have a dream. 327 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:30,911 "If you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?" 328 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,920 That is exactly what she said! 329 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:42,554 Mum never stopped believing even after you was born. 330 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:48,919 But at the end of the day... What does that mean, "even after I was born"?! 331 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,755 - It wasn't your fault. — What wasn't my fault? 332 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,550 - You being a problem child. - Problem child? 333 00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,714 I weren't a problem child. I was a good boy! 334 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:05,795 I know, but you did have a problem. You kept getting taller. 335 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:10,511 What did you want me to do? Stay at two—foot—four all my life? 336 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:17,557 All the other kids could wear their trousers for a year and a half, 337 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:22,840 but yours, after a couple of months, looked like hot pants. 338 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,596 In pictures, I was wearing short trousers anyway. 339 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,752 No, no. They weren't short trousers. 340 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,599 They looked like short trousers, 341 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:41,277 but if you look at the bottoms of the legs you'll see they're frayed. 342 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:47,038 That's where a couple of months before they was rubbing on your shoes! 343 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,113 I'm going to make a phone call. 344 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,352 Just remember, Rodney, never stop believing. 345 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,910 — Oh, this is difficult. — What's wrong? 346 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:04,153 I've got some good news and some bad news for Del. 347 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,871 - I'm applying for another job. — What's the bad news? 348 00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,839 That IS the bad news. 349 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,676 The good news is I'm gonna stay with Del till he can replace me. 350 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,832 That should take about half an hour! 351 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,516 You won't say that when I'm a managing director of something! 352 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,718 You got something lined up, then? 353 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,636 There's this job advertised in the paper. 354 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:37,749 "Local company seeks ambitious, energetic and creative person 355 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,719 "to join its successful sales force." 356 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,635 — Well, who are they describing? - No. Go on. 357 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:47,678 - It's me! - Is it? 358 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,274 Yes! 359 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:55,673 "Experience with computers an advantage but not essential. 360 00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,914 "Successful applicant gets training, good salary and company vehicle." 361 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:07,270 - I'm experienced with computers. — But you never got one to work yet! 362 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:09,556 (Piss off!) 363 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,157 I can call in today to sign the papers. 364 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:16,640 Yeah. 365 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,838 Right. OK, then, you'll call back. 366 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,991 OK. Bonjour! 367 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,992 — The new digital phone is good. — Was that the clinic? 368 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:33,313 Yes. I get doctored on Tuesday. They'll call back to confirm. 369 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,950 - You're serious about it? — Never more so. 370 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:43,435 Del, volunteering for the vasectomy is very brave and I'm flattered by it, 371 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,433 - but you don't have to do it. - It's for the best. 372 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:53,119 OK. But don't come back to me saying "It's your fault" if you get...sore. 373 00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,597 As if I would! 374 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,353 (PHONE RINGS) 375 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,070 — That's them. Answer it and be posh. - What?! 376 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,392 Don't let them think we're ippity—oys. 377 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,631 Yes, sir! 378 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,950 Hello, may I help you? 379 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:18,591 I'm phoning about the job in the "Peckham Echo". 380 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,199 Hold the line, caller! 381 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:29,594 — Have you put an ad in the "Echo"? - Yes, help for Rodney. Who's that? 382 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,552 Rodney. 383 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,598 why's he phoning me? He's in the bloody living room! 384 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,957 No, he's applying for the job. 385 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:48,069 You mean he's applying to assist himself? 386 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,958 Wait. I've gotta think about this. 387 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,714 Press "hold". It plays a tune. 388 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,589 I'll connect you to our marketing department. 389 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,717 Thank you. 390 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,195 (PHONE PLAYS "OLD SHEP") 391 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,912 Treacherous little git! 392 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:17,711 - I'm gonna wind him right up. — Don't, he'll feel embarrassed! 393 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,269 with any Luck! 394 00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:29,071 (WELSH ACCENT) Hello, this is the marketing manager. Sorry I kept you. 395 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,993 My name is Ivor Hardy. 396 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,189 Hello, Mr Hardy. 397 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:42,638 — And you are? — My name is Rodney Trotter. 398 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:47,749 Oh. You're not one of the Trotter brothers, are you? 399 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,912 Um, no, I haven't got a brother. 400 00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:01,835 That's all right, then. I've heard some rumours about them. 401 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,436 Right couple of scallywags, so I'm told. 402 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,638 The elder one's OK. He's intelligent. 403 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,792 A brilliant businessman, I've heard. 404 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:17,592 No, it's the other one. It's his dippy younger brother that's the problem. 405 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:26,479 well, like I say, I haven't got a brother. 406 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:32,318 Now, you mentioned a good salary and company vehicle. 407 00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,472 Can you tell me a bit more about that? 408 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,233 Mm=hmm. 409 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,199 Yes, I can ride a bike. 410 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,316 — All right, Rodders? — One moment, please. Yeah! 411 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,677 Just on the phone to Cassandra. 412 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,832 — All right, is she? - Trriffic. 413 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,038 - Give her my love. — Yeah, will do. 414 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,840 — And give her yours. - Eh? 415 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:10,436 Give her your love. In my book, 416 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:16,278 it says a man must give the lady in his life his love every so often, 417 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,909 especially if she's pregnant. 418 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,833 Go on, tell her you love her. 419 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,191 Nah! I feel embarrassed! 420 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:32,834 Don't feel embarrassed. I'm the only one here and I suggested you do it. 421 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,395 Go on. Tell her. 422 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,391 Later. 423 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:42,439 No, you tell her now, Rodney. 424 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,877 I love you. 425 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,432 What did you say? 426 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,153 No, nothing. I just coughed. 427 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,999 I thought you said you loved me! 428 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,717 No, I just coughed, honest. 429 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:17,669 A-hem. So what exactly do you sell, 430 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,798 and what would the duties be, please? 431 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:26,080 well, we sell anything we can lay our hands on, isn't it? 432 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:30,950 Your duties would be to take all this crap down to the market... 433 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,598 ..then you sell it from a suitcase. 434 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:41,358 I think you're just the man we've been looking for, Mr Trotter. 435 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:49,511 (OWN VOICE) We're always on the lookout for dirty little plonkers! 436 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,672 Did you put this ad in the paper, Del? 437 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,399 Yes, I did, Rodney. 438 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,951 Goodbye! 439 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:22,512 I don't believe this! The one job I really fancied and it's mine! 440 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:29,399 What's going on? You was gonna find someone else and then get rid of me? 441 00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:35,715 You were trying to get rid of me! What was that, "I haven't got a brother"? 442 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:43,759 If you must know, I was trying to get you some help, that's all 443 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:47,231 With Cassandra being in the situation she is, 444 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,392 I thought you might have to dash off. 445 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,837 I thought it might take some weight off you. 446 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:58,631 I didn't realise. Thanks, Del. I'm sorry. 447 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:03,954 Anyway, what is all this about you wanting to get another job? 448 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,430 It hit home the other day. 449 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,718 When the baby's born, we fill in a birth certificate. 450 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,838 One section is "Father's occupation™. 451 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:16,311 What am I gonna put? "A gofer"? 452 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,871 You are gonna put "Sales Director". 453 00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:27,750 Know what I'm gonna do with the business? I'm gonna expand. 454 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:32,756 You're in charge of selling. I'm in charge of purchasing. OK? 455 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:37,039 So you'll be in the marketplace and you'll be selling. 456 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,795 I'll be in the factories and warehouses. I'll be buying. 457 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:47,957 If a line is going particularly well, you phone and say, "Del, buy, buy, buy!" 458 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:53,796 And you could get on the blower to me and go, "Sell! Sell! Sell!" 459 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,914 (HE MUTTERS) 460 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,476 Good idea, that! 461 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:08,110 — We should have done this ages ago. — Exactly. 462 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:12,831 - It's called expansion. — We'll streamline the business. 463 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:17,836 — We will expand by streamlining. - Yeah. 464 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:23,029 Let's go down to Sid's caff. Whenever we reach historic moments like this, 465 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,589 I feel like a fry—up. 466 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,274 Rodders! Get down! 467 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:41,110 - why? - It's that Dr Singh! 468 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,959 It's OK. He's gone now. That was a close shave. 469 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:53,479 - He'll catch us eventually. — We'll sort that when it happens. 470 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:59,272 — Ere, Rodney, I've been thinking. — What about? 471 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,637 I'm gonna have a vasectomy. 472 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,789 — Has it gone down the wrong way? - Yeah. 473 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:13,716 — A vasectomy?! — Keep your voice down, will ya? 474 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:21,476 — What does Raquel feel about it? - No, I'M having it done! 475 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:28,438 I know that! Bloody hell! I meant have you discussed it with Raquel? 476 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:33,071 Of course! I said, "Sweetheart, I'm having a vasectomy." 477 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:37,757 - An in—depth discussion, then? — Can't make these decisions lightly. 478 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:42,869 I mean, I've thought about it and we can't afford another kid. 479 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:48,194 We haven't got room in the flat. We agreed, why do we want another kid? 480 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:52,638 Damien's like two kids rolled into one, isn't he? 481 00:37:54,640 --> 00:38:00,670 Me and Raquel only look at each other and she's three months gone. 482 00:38:01,720 --> 00:38:06,874 I think I've got to have a lot of them, uh... Loads of them, um... 483 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,713 You know, tadpoles. 484 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:14,394 Tadpoles? 485 00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:20,552 You see 'em on the telly under the microscope. 486 00:38:20,720 --> 00:38:22,040 oh... 487 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,556 I've got loads as well. The doctor said. 488 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:30,999 Yeah, but the doctor reckons I got more tadpoles than the Serpentine. 489 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,479 Is it being done at the hospital? 490 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:42,840 I'm not gonna let Trigger do it with his Black and Decker, am 1? 491 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:47,555 Are you going to the hospital or the clinic? 492 00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:50,758 Right. Ill probably go to the clinic. 493 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,753 Rodney, I want your advice. 494 00:38:57,720 --> 00:39:04,353 You know a lot of rich and successful people, when they have this done... 495 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:10,910 ..they leave a lot of their tadpoles in this bank. 496 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:18,238 The thing is, do you think that I ought to do that? 497 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,116 You could do. 498 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,397 I don't know what NatWest would think! 499 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:40,034 No, not NatWest! It's a special bank where they freeze it all! 500 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,077 Oh, the... 501 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,517 The thing is, when I'm rich and famous, 502 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:50,675 they'll be able to use it and there'll be lots of Damiens running about. 503 00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,751 - No! - Hmm? 504 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:57,073 I mean, um, you could upset Raquel 505 00:39:57,240 --> 00:40:01,677 Psychologically, she might think you were being unfaithful to her. 506 00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,037 You know how a woman's mind works. 507 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,877 oh! 508 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:12,034 I never thought of that, Rodders. You're right. 509 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,190 Good thinking. 510 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:18,876 Well, come on! Onwards and upwards! 511 00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:24,112 'Ere, don't you say nothing to nobody about this. 512 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,317 Of course not! 513 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:32,435 Thanks, Sid. That was horrible, as usual. 514 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,591 Cheers, Del 515 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,557 — Sid! Del's having a vasectomy! — A vasectomy?! 516 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:46,829 Del Boy's having a vasectomy! 517 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:59,751 — The doctor will be with you soon. - Thank you, Nurse. 518 00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,353 Mr Trotter. 519 00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:23,469 Dr Singh! About that paint I sold you for your surgery... 520 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,917 Don't worry about that. I have work to do. 521 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,918 Not nervous, are you? 522 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:40,114 Just a tad, you know. This is my first time. 523 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,556 Mine, too! 524 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:49,678 (TEARING) 525 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,719 My, my, my! 526 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,992 You are a big man, Mr Trotter. 527 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,877 Thank you, Doctor. 528 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,714 You should go on a diet. 529 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,194 I say that to relax the patient. 530 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:16,673 I'lL remember that one next time I have some bloke's vitals in me hands! 531 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,712 I'll give you a small injection to numb the area. 532 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,599 Right. Thank you. 533 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,279 This might sting a bit. 534 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:40,559 - What's wrong? Ahh! 535 00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:47,349 Oh... It's all right, sweetheart. I just...got a touch of cramp. 536 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:56,110 Tell me, Raquel, seriously, what do you think about this vasectomy idea? 537 00:42:56,280 --> 00:43:00,160 - I don't mind. — OK, you win. I won't have it done. 538 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,792 What put you off the vasectomy? 539 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,429 Didn't have the balls? 540 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,909 No, it wasn't that. 541 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:19,109 Look, I wasn't frightened. It was... It was a medical reason. 542 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:23,990 - I kept thinking about them tadpoles. — What about 'em? 543 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:28,233 — Where do they go? - What do you mean? 544 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:32,997 When you have the operation, it stops "em from going... 545 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,234 from... 546 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:40,269 ..taking their normal route, so where do they go? 547 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:46,395 Are you worried about them hanging around on street corners? 548 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,235 All I'm saying is they gotta go somewhere. 549 00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,392 I thought I'd be frightened to sneeze. 550 00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:58,760 What? 551 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,991 What? 552 00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,231 — Ah! — Ah! 553 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:08,679 — Caught you at last, Mr Trotter. - Dr Singh. How nice to see you again. 554 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,958 Have you seen my surgery recently? 555 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:16,034 That paint you sold me is peeling off in chunks. 556 00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:21,229 It's a medical practice and it looks as if my walls have got scabies! 557 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:25,314 — My patients are leaving me. - Thing is, Dr Singh, 558 00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:30,919 we didn't realise until later that the paint was very slightly out of date. 559 00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,037 — Did we, Rodney? - No. 560 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:38,274 We spotted a tin and noticed it should have been used by June 1983. 561 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:43,276 — I want something done about it. — Of course, Dr Singh. 562 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,832 I'll send someone from my decorating department to see you tomorrow. 563 00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,709 If you don't, Mr Trotter, I'll be back! 564 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:57,913 Yes. Thank you, Dr Singh. I'm missing you already! 565 00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,872 "I'll be back"! He always says that. 566 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:06,511 Do you know what his nickname is? "The Turbanator". 567 00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:11,231 — Get it? Turban—ator! - I don't believe you sometimes. 568 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:16,600 Dr Singh is an honest, law-abiding man. You knew that paint was iffy. 569 00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:20,116 I'm supposed to be a paint expert now, am I? 570 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:28,838 And he's not a law-abiding citizen. He's not wearing a crash helmet! 571 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:34,234 He's a Sikh! Under the law, Sikhs are excused crash hats. 572 00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:37,791 How would he fit a helmet over that turban? 573 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:43,034 I never thought of that. That must be why you never see a Sikh astronaut. 574 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,555 More than likely, Del 575 00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:57,992 (RODNEY) I am not wearing it, OK? Now, it's my going home time. 576 00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:03,633 (DEL) Opportunities present themselves even though the sprouts are on! 577 00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,314 It's bloody stupid! I'm not doing it! 578 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:12,715 There are millions of Sikhs riding motorcycles completely unprotected! 579 00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,952 This is going to solve their problem. 580 00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:25,636 May I introduce my new company, TCT. 581 00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:28,997 - TCT? — Trotters' Crash Turbans. 582 00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:33,990 It's our chance to do something for our fellow man. 583 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:38,996 And a chance for you to get rid of those horse riding crash helmets! 584 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:41,754 This is just a prototype. 585 00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:48,075 Prototype?! It's a show—jumping helmet with Raquel's old scarf glued on top! 586 00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:51,915 That's because Raquel is 100% behind this project. 587 00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:57,200 She said, "Del, have anything, because I want to do my bit for mankind." 588 00:46:58,240 --> 00:47:00,675 Look! Look! 589 00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:04,678 look! 590 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,400 You look rather dashing. 591 00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:11,793 I look like a human cannon ball who's hit a washing line! 592 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:16,477 God, I hate vanity. Take my word, Rodney, 593 00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:22,318 once you take this to Wembley and Southall and show the Sikhs this... 594 00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,552 — Show it to them?! - Yes, of course! 595 00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:30,794 we'll sell them by the thousands and export to Australia and America. 596 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:35,477 - You expect me to sell this? — Well, you are my Director of Sales! 597 00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:41,989 - They'll smash my head in! - No, they're a peace-loving people. 598 00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:46,597 Even if they do, you'll be wearing a Trotter Crash Turban. 599 00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:52,631 You can prove how effective it is. You know it makes sense. 600 00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:56,555 I am not stepping outside dressed like this! 601 00:47:56,720 --> 00:47:59,109 — All right, Rodney? — All right, Raquel. 602 00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,749 - During the war... - Will you shut up! 603 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:05,390 Rodney and I are in an important board meeting. 604 00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,791 We don't wanna hear about U-boats and giant squid! 605 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:15,070 During the war, I spent time in India and got to know the Sikh religion. 606 00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:22,112 To a Sikh, a turban has mystical powers which enter the body. 607 00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:25,557 So it has to be in contact with the head. 608 00:48:25,720 --> 00:48:30,954 Ah! It ain't in contact with the head. A bloody horse riding helmet's there! 609 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:34,272 I haven't finalised the design yet. 610 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:39,799 we'll get a piece and stuff it up here so it is in contact with the head. 611 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:44,113 It won't catch on. What would you wear with it? 612 00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:48,558 - Is that my scarf? - I'll buy you another one. 613 00:48:48,720 --> 00:48:52,156 Please understand, this is not a fashion statement! 614 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:55,631 - I guessed that! - It's a safety device. 615 00:48:55,800 --> 00:49:00,271 People would rather be critically injured than wear this. 616 00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:02,397 ~ (PHONE RINGS) — Answer that. 617 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:06,110 In three months, you'll see this on "Tomorrow's World". 618 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:10,990 — More like "Wayne's World"! - I'm not going on TV wearing this! 619 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:16,917 — It's Cassandra's bank. — Probably another late meeting. 620 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:22,200 Raquel, listen to me. They laughed when they invented the air bag. 621 00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:28,151 - No, they were a good invention. - Tell me one they did laugh at. 622 00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:29,993 That! 623 00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:33,152 Yeah, I'm on my way. Thank you. 624 00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,115 What's up, Rodders? 625 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:42,231 They've rushed Cassandra to hospital She's had a miscarriage. 626 00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:48,600 All right, Rodders. 627 00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:52,071 Calm down. I'm with you. Stay here. 628 00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:55,198 Which ward is Mrs Trotter in, please? 629 00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:57,590 - Mr Trotter? - Yes, I am. 630 00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,354 — This way, please. —- OK. 631 00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:03,512 OK, Rodney, come on! This way. 632 00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:07,275 Oi! Are you having a laugh with me or something? 633 00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,034 I've been here 20 minutes. 634 00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:16,196 The only person in this poxy hospital who's spoken to me is this old cow! 635 00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:19,318 I'm sorry, sir, but we're very busy. 636 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,871 — This way, please. — Keep up, Rodney. 637 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:27,638 Put these on. Just a precaution. 638 00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:33,835 That's it. 639 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:38,631 Mrs Trotter is in a single room. Number 46, on the right. 640 00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:43,636 She's still very upset and we don't want her being excited in any way. 641 00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,313 Thank you. 642 00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:49,709 Thanks. On the right. 643 00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:52,554 — Can I put one on? - Who are you? 644 00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:55,599 - Her husband. - Who the hell's that? 645 00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,559 He's my brother. 646 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,718 Del... 647 00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:12,230 ..what the bloody hell can I say to her? 648 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:17,395 Don't worry, Rodney. Don't worry, it'll just come to you. 649 00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,194 Listen to me, Rodney. 650 00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:28,515 At this pacific moment in time, Cassandra don't need doom and gloom. 651 00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:31,638 She needs you to be optimistic. 652 00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:36,556 — I feel optimistic, don't I {!) - I don't care how you feel! 653 00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:39,872 - You don't care how I feel? - No. 654 00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:43,271 You can cry in the van on the way home. 655 00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:48,355 Right now, you've got to be a rock for Cassandra. 656 00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:55,119 Go and talk to her about the future. Not the past or present, the future. 657 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,560 You see, you two... 658 00:51:58,720 --> 00:52:02,839 You two, you got some really good times to come. 659 00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,752 Strange, but I find that hard to believe. 660 00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:11,391 Well, you've gotta believe it because it's true. 661 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:16,555 Right now, Cassandra needs your strength. 662 00:52:16,720 --> 00:52:22,033 Now, you go in there. I don't want no sobbing, no booing. 663 00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:26,919 You just give her comfort and understanding. 664 00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,310 AlL right? 665 00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:32,439 AlL right. 666 00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:36,639 Good boy. You know it makes sense. 667 00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,319 I'm sorry, Rodney. 668 00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:28,230 What are you saying sorry for? Don't be silly! 669 00:53:29,240 --> 00:53:32,551 I let you down. I let everyone down. 670 00:53:32,720 --> 00:53:35,712 Of course you haven't! 671 00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:40,513 It happens, Cass. It just... 672 00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,556 It just happens. 673 00:53:44,720 --> 00:53:48,395 There was nothing you or I could have done. 674 00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:54,238 Mustn't blame yourself, sweetheart. You haven't let anybody down. 675 00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:56,596 Has she, Rodney? 676 00:53:56,760 --> 00:54:01,994 Go on, tell her! Tell her! Tell her about this time next year. 677 00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:04,151 Yeah, I will 678 00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:06,960 (DEL SOBS) 679 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:15,956 I think this might be a good time for us to be on our own. 680 00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,396 Discuss a few things. 681 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,598 Yes, I think you're right, bruv. 682 00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:29,033 Cassandra, me and Rodney are going outside for a little chat. 683 00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:30,838 AlL right? 684 00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:36,472 I mean me and Cassandra being on our own. 685 00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:40,199 Oh, all right. Yes, of course. 686 00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:46,231 I'll see you later, Cassandra. 687 00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:49,040 I'll see you... (SOBS) 688 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,511 I lost our baby. 689 00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:08,792 Can't leave you alone with anything! 690 00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:18,398 We're gonna get over this, Cass, and we are going to win. 691 00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:21,390 Do you know why? 692 00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,712 Because we're strong. 693 00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,236 We are very, very strong. 694 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:32,792 Things are gonna get better and better for us. 695 00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,759 - I love you, Rodney! - I love you, Cass. 696 00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:45,640 I love you so much! 697 00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:54,353 It burnt me on the forehead. The bloke who sold it said it was a hair dryer. 698 00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:58,229 But it's an electric paint stripper. 699 00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:02,278 Please come with me, Mr Fisher. 700 00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:07,400 Oi! Why is he getting seen before me? 701 00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,996 why do people pay National Health stamps? 702 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:14,676 If I'd had a job, I wouldn't have paid for "em. 703 00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,354 Please keep your voice down. 704 00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:18,840 NO! 705 00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:22,880 It's a free country and I can shout as much as I bloody like! 706 00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:27,876 You look after these malingerers when I should be top of the list. 707 00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:31,829 Now, I took some pills earlier on today. 708 00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:35,550 I dunno what they were "cause I was drunk. 709 00:56:35,720 --> 00:56:39,270 Now they're starting to upset me a bit. 710 00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,876 Nurses always whinge about low wages. 711 00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:49,230 You don't deserve anything better. D'you hear? You're sodding useless! 712 00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:51,277 — Excuse me. — What? 713 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,395 Feeling better, sir? 714 00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,433 Yes. Thank you, Doctor. 715 00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:12,355 All part of the service. Bonjour. 716 00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:18,156 Bet you wish you'd gone private now, don't ya? 717 00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:32,355 and miles and miles of carpet tiles 718 00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:35,399 719 00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:38,359 what's—their-names and at a push 720 00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:41,478 from a mush in Shepherd's Bush 721 00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,154 Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush 722 00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:47,073 723 00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:50,358 724 00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:53,319 725 00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:57,997 726 00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:01,152 727 00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:04,199 2 Vi Viva Hooky Street! 728 00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:06,874 729 00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:10,431 730 00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:13,831 731 00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:17,077 732 00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:20,755